by Parmjit Singh
As Valentine's Day looms large, millions of greeting cards will be sent around the world by lovers to their beloveds. With so much love circulating around, one would expect that we are becoming more lovable or loving. But if you feel the pulse of our society, you might end up feeling more desolate, deserted, depressed and despaired than the upbeat rush of love coursing through its veins. Perhaps we have rubbed love in the wrong way. . .
Historically, Valentine's Day has roots in the Roman Catholic Christian tradition in which three saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of them martyred, are related to this occasion. One story dates back to the Roman Emperor Claudius II who ordered the discontinuation of marriage which was threatening to scale back his military enlistment.
"And when you become worthy of it, love will find you."
Sensing that young men with families are reluctant to join the military, the Emperor decreed that there would be no marriages. St Valentine, however, did not agree with that decree and continued solemnizing marriages of young couples in secret. He was ordered to death once his actions came to light. Another legend has it that Valentine himself sent out the first greeting signed as "From your Valentine" from the prison to the daughter of the jailor whom he befriended. The jailor's daughter used to come to see him when he was incarcerated. Another story has it that Valentine was slain for helping Christians escape the brutal prisons of Romans where they were being abused and tortured.
Even though it is not sure which story is more authentic yet its import cannot be ignored. Valentine's Day has become a permanent fixture in our psyche and it inspires heroic, romantic ideas and ideals. Seeking love is a consuming passion for everybody: we hanker for it, pursue it, and obsess with it and sometimes when our intentions are subverted we do exactly the opposite of what love is all about. In a jiffy, our professed love turns into a paroxysm of hatred and violence.
In a society where love despite being the number one obsession among the young and old alike, is not such a thing you can get in plenty, it is imperative to ask as to why love being so rudimentary and basic, keeps on eluding us? And when I say so, I do not mean the number of "I love you" you have been cooed in your life time. I am referring to the profundity of love which does not need any language-the one which quenches your existential thirst. It is the sort of love which infuses an extra gung-ho into life and makes us appreciate the sacredness of this existence. But given the increasing preponderance of violence, exploitative mentality, wars and lack of acceptance in our world, it seems that even though we are trying head over heels to be lovable or loving yet we are sinking into that bleak situation of lovelessness.
Are we doing something wrong? Surely I would like to think that.
We live in a commercialized world where almost everything is for sale and love is no exception. When we come to think of love as 'something' which can be possessed just like cars or material richness, we commoditize it. We make it look like another object on the market which can be possessed if we pursue it appropriately. Osho called this type of love as object-based or mind-based, where a boy falls in love with a girl because of her beautiful face and voluptuous body and a girl falls in love with a boy because of his handsomeness, hefty salary, a prestigious profession or a big house. Love, then, becomes nothing more than a thing or an object.
But the problem with this kind of love is that you can always find better a object next time you look on a street: there are always more beautiful faces and bigger houses around the corner. We usually do not fall in love with the person but with a 'constructed idea' of love which our mind provides us. But mind is notorious and changes so readily with the influx of new information-it thrives in a comparative and referential environment. This mental-flux keeps us on tenterhooks. That is why mind begins to wander the moment you look at a more beautiful face or a more successful person. Over and again, we fall for our "concept of love" rather than "love" per se, and that is what is wrong with the whole idea of love.
Roses and greeting cards do not create love; they are just carriers or messengers. Without the soulfulness of love, they are just objects, nothing more than bricks. Regardless of what the commercial world says, love cannot be bought or pursued; it is something that "happens" when you open your heart and make "yourself worthy of it".
And when you become worthy of it, love will find you! Just as the Sufi poet Hafiz says:
Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe Me."
Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.
Happy Valentine's Day!
