by Manjit Handa
Name: Richard Newsome
Age: 29
Family Status as a Child: Unstable, Father left home while he was very young and mother was epileptic. As a result he and four of the other siblings were taken away by the Children Aid Society.
Sent to: A foster home from the CAS where molested by his brother (by law) while he was between four to six years of age. Eventually adopted by the Newsomes.
Experience with the Newsomes as an adopted child: Financially there was no problem in the family but emotionally the family was never able to give that sense of security and the feeling of being “wanted”. Was terribly mistaken as a brat, which he was not. Two memories that qualify the misunderstanding are:
1. In school some classmate wanted to fight for a wrong reason. He ignored but the guy brought his crowd when he came out of the school and initiated a fight. Initially he only resisted and defended himself but eventually he lost control when someone punched him on the mouth and he broke his teeth (that cost his parents 3000 bucks). Now when he was punching, that is when the teachers of the school came out and the whole blame came on him. His parents always held him responsible for this fight.
2. At home they had a dog who was once asleep on the stairs. He just gave him a nudge while climbing up and the dog jumped up with a start. His father thought that he had kicked the dog which actually was only a “nudge”.
These kind of small misunderstandings never cleared up between them. The communication gap remains even today. All effort of his trying to explain them the truth stays futile as they do not want to listen up to his side of the story.
Kicked out of the house, finally at the age of 16 and lived on his own and only by the time he was 24 did he start talking to the parents again.
Education: Suffered after being kicked out. A few grade eleven credits are all he had. Slept in dorms. Took small and odd jobs to survive. Even remained on Law fare for quite some time. Unfortunately at work place he met his brother (also an employee) who got into a fight with someone as a result of which he went to jail. His guilt—not being able to stop his brother from fighting. Finally The Adolescent Community Care Program provided help in the form of counseling, in general, organizing his life.
At work, almost on the way to be a trained electrician, few credits away, as luck would have it, he had an accident. He fell from the second floor to the basement on the concrete. Lucky enough to have survived, with the fall, however, he damaged his shoulder and twisted his back. Presently he suffers from a chronic pain in his back. Ironically, however, nothing substantial shows up in the reports, that something “gone wrong” which can be corrected or healed. With this he thought he lost everything all over—not only the person he was going to be, i.e. an electrician, but also the most important thing, his health.
Positive development in Life: His marriage in 2000. Later the birth of his daughter Emma who is presently two and a half year old. They are the source of strength that keeps him going through the chronic pain in his back and shoulder.
Pain management: Method/s of doing everyday work has changed which is slower than it used to be. Does not rely much on medication, which he takes only in small doses. Believes more in stretching and breathing exercises and eating nutritious food that is generally taken care by his wife. Strongly believes in “modifying” life as per requirement.
Things, he thinks should be changed in Society: The system of kids being taken by foster families as he suffered during his stay at such a family. Does not want anyone to undergo such a thing ever.
As a survivor of child abuse and series of setbacks, his message to the readers: “It’s a hard road, but stay positive, look forward and know that you are capable. . .”
Favorite one liner: “I will do (something) because I can, but I can because I will”.
Yes you will Richard!
With all best wishes.
